the family
I sat in the sun with Sir Toby Dalrymple
It’s not rocket science, it’s awfully simple
In days of the Empire, when we ruled the waves,
We needed competent chaps to manage the slaves
Chaps seeking fortunes, chaps with stiff lips
Chaps to arrange the provision of ships
Which could sail round the globe
Setting up colonies and searching for gold.
We needed a system to help garner new wealth
With gunboats and trading, but mainly with stealth.
Understand that these chaps had to have vision
Backbone and manners but also a mission.
Sons of the wealthy, taught all about values
But also ‘bout ‘family’ and that they all had to
Have loyalty too, not to the Empire, but what to accrue.
The wealthy invested in teaching them well
To become leaders and rulers with stories to tell
Of controlling the natives and bringing new law
Railways and values that none could ignore.
The wealth they created delivered back home
All to their families, is the gist of this poem.
Building fine houses and country estates
Bestowing new titles on all of their mates.
Boosting their wealth and growing their income
‘Twas a wonderful time for them ‘nd their chums.
With wealth and entitlement, the City grew stronger
Trading and loans amassing much wonga
Setting up banks and lending out money
Was a bit of a lark which not all found funny
In search of more mullah they turned to Gold Coast
Discovering the trade which made them the most
Transporting slaves to their pals to the West
Caribbean, America gave prices best
Money poured in in a torrent of gold
As millions of slaves to their ‘family’ were sold.
Providing free labour on sugar plantations
Meeting the needs of sweet tooths in all nations.
But what of the values they’d all learned at school?
Oh! They were eschewed ‘cos money was cool.
World war one followed by a second
Cost the country dear but they their future reckoned
As whole new markets began to re-build
Creating new ventures in which they were skilled.
But Bretton Woods saw exchange rates fixed
The City traders were totally miffed
How could they their financial world expand?
But they were a most resourceful band.
As sterling pounds came under pressure
UK government tried to match the dollar
But ‘twas too late the Empire’s pound had had its day
What could the family do to find a way
To keep on lending, to keep their rake
To grow their share of the cake?
But still the family did what was right
To keep them wealthy, at the top
To be the haves, not have-nots
With US dollar bank rates strictly controlled
Too poor to buy the mighty greenback
But keen their finance to get back on track
They engineered a cunning plan
Soviet banks needed a place to bank their US Ds
Free from seizure and interest paid.
The Family’s cunning plan was laid
Borrow dollars from the Soviet bank
Just pay interest, with grateful thanks.
The “Eurodollar” it was formed
A whole new world it was spawned
New global investments were conspired
New borrowers were soon enrolled.
For they their US oppos did sting
International finance became their thing.
Post World War two their wealth did grow
They wanted to control the flow
So offshore banking they unfurled
Colonies and crown dependencies
Allowed their clients to be tax free
Jersey, Guernsey, the Isle of Man
Showed the family that they can
Manage all these piles of wealth
Hiding it with style and stealth.
Offshore finance grew and grew
Of these deposits or whence they came
The family they controlled the game.
Sure other countries followed suit
Across the globe ‘offshore’ took root.
Fuelled by greed the canker grew
As offshore banks were most discreet
As they their clients’ ‘needs’ did meet.
As offshore banking taxes saved.
All this mullah must be managed
If tax liability was to be vanished.
To wealthy clients ‘twas real nice
“Wealth management” was now their pitch
Sure countries suffered from this biz
But so what, if it allowed the rich
To stash their cash in offshore places
Where anonymity hid their faces.
The rich got richer as countries struggled
'Twas such a shame it all got muddled.
Because the dosh was held offshore
Countries tried to stem the flow
But no real success and do you know
Why offshore banking could not be stopped?
'Cos wealthy peeps didn’t want it cropped
'Cos they made use of these accounts
So despite all the cries and shouts
Offshore remains until this day