The Health & Safety committee
Good morning, welcome and happy New Year
This meeting’s now underway and this is where
We need to turn our intentions
To all of the most serious questions
What’s going on, past and lately.
So if you’re ready let us begin.
New faces I see sat all among us
Please say your name and what that you do
So agenda’s complete with members new.
Thank you for that, now to move on,
The first item of business, report number one.
Here are some data, some stats and a graph
Safety’s improving across all of the staff
Seem accident prone, something needs doing
To pare the stats down right down to the bone
So we’re not liable to those accident prone.
More training me thinks will sort this out
But who is to pay, we needs must check out.
They’re agency workers, so let us agree
To shift them about and of these costs we’ll be free.
Now onto health it’s always more tricky
I’d really prefer to make this a quickie
For in half an hour I need to depart
To chair the committee on History of Art.
The data is clear, the main reason for absence
Is stress and depression so let us at once
Agree that we should, with all possible haste,
Design a cool answer for what we are faced.
A new form it should do it, together with process,
It’s worked in the past and could monitor stress.
We then could prepare a spreadsheet complete
Proving the levels merely compete
With sector averages, to avoid taking blame
Sure we all know it’s only a game.
"But what of the people impaired by this illness
Shouldn’t we look for a cure, for the business?"
You could hear a pin drop, the silence was deafening
New members should know they mustn’t be threatening.
You’re missing the point of this vital committee
At end of the day it’s you we must pity.
Our job here is clear, to report and to graph
Always to work on the bosses’ behalf
It’s for more senior folk than for you and for me
To think and provide an overall strategy.
Think of us as fact providers, you won’t go wrong,
But please no more suggestions, short or long.
No thinking’s needed was Chair’s retort.
Committees are the powerful engines
Not for us to think the next step
Better just to do what’s needed
To keep us busy and not impeded
By thinking too much outside of the box
Far too complex, too many shocks.
Can we move on, we need to finish?
Committee powers they will diminish
With words and graphs, but mainly guile,
To review today and write one set more
Eating biscuits, drinking tea,
It’s committee working, don't you see?
With that the meeting is was concluded
Feeling like all truth’s deluded