tom, the inventor, saves his no-claims bonus

 

My mate Tom crashed his new convertible

The facts of the case were incontrovertible.

Driving at sixty in a thirty-mile zone,

Swigging back whisky and using his ‘phone.

When ol’ bill arrived to check out the scene

They opened their eyes as if in a dream

Under the airbag sat my friend Tom

Acting like nothing at all had gone wrong

On his phone texting as I remember

As cool as a chilled cucumber.

How may I help you he said, looking all innocent,

We’ve reason to think you’re under the influence.

Really, he said, although I’m dishevelled,

Why don’t you check my alcohol level?

Blow into the tube, just give one long puff

Then pass back the tester, that should be enough.

They looked at the meter with wide open eyes

But were shocked and dismayed but mainly surprised

The reading showed zero, nothing at all

‘Twas as if they had hit an enormous brick wall.

The cops let him go and he drove over to mine

And explained how he’d one it, while drinking his wine.

You know I invent stuff to help people out

Well, this pill that you see here I popped in my mouth

In a couple of secs it worked just as it ought

Taking the reading right down to nought!

We laughed and we chatted while eating jam doughnuts

And end of the day Tom kept his no-claims bonus.